I'm not even sure what I want to say about this, but the general feeling is one of disappointment. Yes, a part of that is that my waist is no longer that tiny (I can't get over how small it looks in that second picture -- I don't remember being that slender). I can't lie; I'd like to look like that again. But there's more. What I see -- and what you reading this can't see -- is all the memories and emotions and circumstances and attitudes surrounding each of the split seconds in time these pictures represent.
While I'd love to be a size six again, what I really wish I could recapture is the excitement, the anticipation, the innocence, and the hope in my eyes in those first few pictures. I miss that about myself. When did I get so cynical and fatalistic? When did I start "fixing" my problems with a large bowl of ice cream instead of working out my frustrations by going for a run? I don't know that the person I was in the first picture would recognize the person I am in the last picture.
When did that happen?
And how do I change it?
Don't be so hard on yourself. I love the collages. You're so cute, in ALL of them. A big bowl of ice cream is yummy, even AFTER a run :) The hardest part is getting out the door. Make it a goal and conquer.. at least that's what I'm telling myself....
ReplyDeleteAw, thanks! There's a lot to be said for a big bowl of ice cream, but I miss how good I felt, and how confident I was, when I was running regularly. Not to mention I didn't huff and puff my way up stairs and hills back then. Since I'm currently carless I do quite a bit of walking, but I'm also making an effort to eat more healthy, too.
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