I Guess My Mom Was Right About a Clean Room

A clean room really does make you feel better. Who woulda thunk? (Maybe me, after being taught the virtues of an orderly living space by my parents for years. Or not.) Right after I got back from Christmas vacation I moved from the basement of my house to the upstairs, thanks to a roommate who embraced matrimonial bliss. While I didn't mind living in the basement, per se, it is nice to see a little more sunshine in my room. I've been meaning to mention this, but the thing is it took me about two weeks to finally get around to actually unpacking/organizing. (If you're new, there aren't many things I loathe more in this world than unpacking, hence the procrastination.) But last Monday I had a day off of work thanks to MLK Day, so I decided to bite the bullet and just get it done. I present to you the pictorial record of my labors. And thanks to my awesomest-of-mothers and the new camera she gave me for Christmas, the pictures are actually decent. Warning: Below There Be Messes!

This is what my room looked like when I moved all my stuff in:

The view looking straight into my room from the door.

A slightly angled view into my room through the door.

Standing with my back against the open door, doorway to my left.

 The view from the head of my bed. 

The other wall as seen from the head of my bed. 

It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of stuff you accumulate, even when you try not to. It doesn't seem that bad when it's all hidden away in closest and drawers, but when it's spread out all over the floor it seems just a little ridiculous. Anyway, this is how I lived for about two weeks, until I figured I'd finally better tackle it instead of ignoring it and hoping little elves would unpack for me in the night.

But you know the saying, Things get worse before they get better?

I decided, after two weeks of sleeping with the bed on the south wall that I didn't like it there. I wanted my dresser next to my mirror so I could use it as a place to hold all my make up. Makes sense, right? But having the foot of the bed so close to the front of the dresser meant I had a hard time getting into it to get my clothes. Not to mention I wasn't awfully fond of the cinderblocks as bed risers, so with the help of my roomie's awesome boyfriend (thanks, Tyson!) I removed the cinderblocks, moved the bed, and put it up on my (slightly less ghetto-looking) plastic bed risers from Wal-Mart.

But you can see that I hadn't actually gotten anything put away at this point. The mess just migrated from one part of the room to the other.

See that frame hanging above my dresser? I should have taken a closer picture of it, but it's got four cards in it that are shaped like hanbok, or traditional Korean dress. Well, the ones I have are traditional Korean dress for nobility/royalty. Traditional Korean dress for peasants is much, much less elaborate (and not as pretty). The top two are for girls, the bottom two for boys. Appropriate for over a dresser, right? Right now they're just slapped into a frame I got half-off at Hobby Lobby, but I need to either get a new mat or paint this one, since I think the black is too stark. The chain of hearts down the left side of my mirror is actually a sweet letter from a friend of mine. Each heart is one thing she likes about me, and it makes my mornings just that much better.

Can you spot what's been added in this picture? In addition to the hanbok frame in the last picture, I hung these four, as well.

(Please forgive the bad pictures of my art. I was shooting at night in artificial light and I'm still getting the hang of my new camera.) To the left of my bed I hung my Proclamation on the Family, flanked by pictures of the First Presidency and three significant temples in my life: Seoul, Washington D.C., and Logan. At the head of my bed I hung a poster of Le baiser de l'hôtel de ville by Robert Doisneau, which I've had a sentimental soft spot for since my junior year of high school. Not, mind you, because of the subject matter, per se, but because a large poster print of it hung my high school French teacher's room and at the time I was enamored with all things French. Maybe it's because of the influence of my art-loving father, but I never really feel a space is mine until there's art on the walls, even if it's only the cheap kind I can afford.

Are you ready to see the final product now? I have to admit, it bears little resemblance to how it started out. Only the dresser stayed in the same place. Well, and the curtains.

I spent a good half-hour or forty-five minutes trying to figure out what to do with my desk. I'd had it facing the wall the window is in, but then my second bookcase had to be awkwardly placed on the blue wall, and it just didn't look right. I finally hit on placing it at the foot of my bed. It's not necessarily perfect, but it looks better than any other alternative I could come up with.

How about some closer shots?

Yes, I do have four pillows, and yes, all four are necessary. And yes, I do still sleep with my stuffed Winnie-the-Pooh my parents gave me for Christmas when I was three. He's a great cuddler. And yes, that blanket he's sitting on is my baby blanket that I still sleep with. I refuse to give them up until I have to sleep with someone else.

My Grandpa Saunders helped me put together this shelf, one of the last things I got to do with him before he died. Consequently, even though it's cheap it's rich with sentimental value. I love having a bookshelf next to my bed so I can always have my books within arm's reach.

  

My closet really needs little explanation, but I wanted to prove that I didn't leave it out of the organization/unpacking spree.

I'm determined not to clutter up my desk by throwing random papers and junk on it, which is what happens when it's next to my bed. I don't do any studying for school anymore (hallelujah), but I like having a dedicated space for my scripture study. It brings back an air reminiscent of the mission. The print I have there on the right was a gift from my mother. It's called Add to Your Faith Virtue; and to Your Virtue Knowledge by Walter Rane, and I love it. Perfect for this study space.

And last, but not least, is my second bookcase. This one holds all my church books and magazines, like my Korean Book of Mormon and Bible, old General Conference Ensigns, and a few books like The Miracle of Forgiveness by President Kimball and Jesus the Christ by Elder Talmage. I put the words Faith, Patience, and Diligence (from lots of places in the scriptures, but these are specifically referring to Alma 32:41-43 in the Book of Mormon) in frames to remind me to work on them, since unfortunately they are not terribly developed in my character. My Scentsy is behind the Faith frame.

And there you have it. My room, finally finished and in order. It only took me two weeks to get around to it and four hours to accomplish, but it's done. How about one last look? It's probably the last time my bed will ever be made.

Dear World...Again

My baby brother is going on a mission! After months (and months and months) of waiting, I woke up to his text saying it had finally come in the mail. After waiting several more hours while the family was rounded up, I got to see him open it on Skype. It's actually the first mission call I've seen opened -- in my family, at least, I suppose I did get to see Jordanne open hers. But I was at school when my other brother opened his, and I didn't actually open my own, since I had it sent to my house and I was in Annapolis working.

Yikes. I can't believe we're going to have another missionary in our family! I'm so excited for him to go, though I know his experience will be quite different from mine. He's going Stateside and English speaking, so he'll only be in the MTC for about a week and a half instead of the twelve I was there for.

Lots of big things happening in my family this week! First a baby, then a mission call. The only thing left is an engagement, but I have a feeling no one's going to be getting one of those any time soon.

Dear World

I AM AN AUNT.

On Repeat

K.will - 이러지마 제발 (Please Don't)

박지윤 (Park Ji-yoon) - 나무가 되는 꿈 (Tree of Life)

Ailee - Heaven

B1A4 - 걸어 본다 (Tried to Walk)

Hello, 2013

Do you remember when the US Mint started issuing the states quarters, way back in 1999? Like probably most every other family in the US with kids, our family started collecting them, albeit a little late -- maybe late 2000 or 2001. I remember my mom bought a case-book-thingy for each of us to keep ours in. I remember sitting on my bed in the attic of our house in Tennessee and looking at the slots for the year 2009 when the series would be complete and thinking it was so far away.

Oh, Time, how fast you fly! It's now been more than ten years since I was sitting on that bed, four years past so-far-away 2009. Just the other day while I was home for Christmas, my barely-8-year-old little brother announced, "People born in 2000 are old." My parents and I were sitting in the same room engaged in various other activities, and we all just laughed and laughed. But the evidence that the people around me are starting to be old is mounting. Both my grandfathers died in 2011. Neither of my grandmothers are as hale as they used to be, and both are facing ever-increasing health concerns. My father's beard has much more "salt" in it than it used to, and both he and my mother are a little more creaky than I remember. I have four younger brothers, but only the youngest can properly be called my "little" brother, and my youngest sister will probably stop being my "littlest" sister in just a few years. Craziest of all is that in just a few weeks my parents will be transformed into grandparents and my sister -- my baby sister, the one who is still always just barely 14 in my head -- will have a daughter.

Tomorrow marks two years since I moved to Utah, and that fact sets my head reeling, just a little bit. It seems impossible that it could have been that long. It seems like not too long ago that I anxiously prepared for my first day of "normal" college in more than four years, worried that somehow I wouldn't do very well or have problems adjusting. Now, two years later, I smile a little at my anxious past-self. I wish I could tell her she'd be fine, that she'd fall right back into the rhythm of class-homework-quiz-presentation-paper-test. I also wish I could tell her to start thinking beyond her all-consuming goal of just graduating and getting her undergraduate over with, and spend a little more time (seriously) planning for the future and discovering what exactly it is she wants out of life.

Which brings me to the cliched part of this post.

Ah, resolutions. They have such a bad rap, for an admittedly deserved reason: we're almost universally horrible at keeping them. We set lofty goals and then fall off the wagon by mid February. Sometimes we make it to March if we're diligent. I've been pondering off and on over the last few weeks how best to approach making the changes I want to make in my life. I've read a couple of great posts from some good friends (Autumn here and Kelsey here are lovely examples) that have inspired me to try approaching making resolutions from a different angle than I would normally. I've sat down and tried to work through things logically, attempting to hew to the wisdom that you need written goals broken down into manageable, accomplishable steps to actually change. I've tried just spontaneously writing down whatever came to me. The problem is that there are just too many darn things I'd like to change in my life.

I want to learn to enjoy cooking. I want to be more active and eat healthier. I want to improve my mind and learn new things. I want to take up new hobbies like photography and rock climbing. I want to be a  kinder person. A more organized person. A more financially responsible person. A more-fluently-Korean-speaking person. A better dressed person. A person who does her hair in more ways than just a ponytail. A person who can shower in less than half an hour. And I'd really like to finally not be the person that becomes paralyzed and gives up on any change in the face of feeling overwhelmed by all the things she thinks she needs to change.

Really, how do you choose only a few things to resolution-ize in that long and not-comprehensive list? Not to mention the discouraging reality that making permanent changes in our lives and habits takes an incredible amount of energy, time, and patience. It's almost enough to resign yourself to being a hoodie-and-jeans-wearing, ponytail-sporting, longer-than-20-minutes-showering, often-sarcastic person for the rest of your life. (At least if you're me.) Almost.

Honestly, I'll probably never really learn to shower in less than 30 minutes. I'll probably always prefer wearing a hoodie and jeans to wearing a blouse and skirt. I might never learn to French braid my own hair and wear a ponytail every day for the rest of my life. I might always have to grit my teeth a little when the time to make dinner rolls around each day. Thus I have decided to not resolution-ize any of those things -- not because I'm likely to fail, but because I see a larger theme in what I want in life.

My resolution -- or goal, if you'd rather -- for 2013 is to love myself. To forgive myself. To respect myself. To be kind to myself. To be understanding with myself when I make mistakes, and to encourage myself to do better next time. To rejoice with myself when I do succeed, even if the success is small. To not undermine myself and set myself up to fail. I want to be friends with myself, and to enjoy spending time with myself. After all, the one person you're stuck with the rest of your life is yourself, and if you're not particularly fond of yourself it won't be a very fun or rewarding rest of your life.

Of course, that's a pretty broad goal. To be honest, I'm not even sure how to go about tackling it. Any ideas or suggestions would be welcome, particularly if they're things you've discovered working in your own life. Right now I think I need to start with establishing good habits in place of old, entrenched bad ones: going to bed on time, waking up early to pray and read my scriptures daily, being more active, and eating more regularly and better. Not all at once, but one decision at a time. It's overwhelming to think about overhauling your entire life all at once, but deciding to make one good choice at a time, independent of past or future failures -- that I can do.