I'm currently on the hunt for what seems like the world's most elusive prey: a good job.
It's been more than two months since the day that I walked out of my last (undergraduate) final and pumped my fist victoriously. At that moment I was on top of the world, and though my confidence was tinged with a little niggle of concern, I pushed it to the back of my mind and focused on savoring the moment it had taken me seven years to reach.
But Life has a harsh way of making its presence felt. So here I am: 25-going-on-26, newly graduated from college, out in the "real" world for the first time, anxious about finding a job that will afford me a little self-respect along with my paycheck and benefits (hopefully), worried about paying off my students loans and saving up for a car, and really just wanting to be in Korea. Suffice it to say that this is not exactly where I saw myself in five years five years ago. To be honest, it's not even where I saw myself in five months five months ago.
A few weeks ago I thought I'd found the solution to my employment woes, but it turned out that I wasn't offered the position. A while after that I came across the position at Utah State that I'm currently working up an application for. It's not exactly my dream job, but it's a good starting point, and I'm confident I can do it well and contribute as well as learn. The downside to being really excited about an opportunity is that I tend to freak out about making everything "perfect". In real life this translates into obsessing over every word, comma, and bullet point in my resume, and don't even get me started on my cover letter. Despite what some might say, resumes and the whole process of getting a job are 90% subjective. What one person advises another decries as the most ludicrous thing ever. It makes people like me get stress headaches from trying to reconcile it all and turn out the "perfect" resume, the "perfect" cover letter, and the "perfect" response to any conceivable interview question. This afternoon one such stress headache was in its early stages when I decided to walk away from my application and go make some ramyun. I was contemplating this whole crazy mess over a boiling pot of water when I had a quiet but profound realization.
This whole resume-writing experience is a microcosm of my whole approach to life. I stress myself sick trying to do everything "perfectly" while ignoring the fact that "perfect" is not within my capabilities. And it's not meant to be. The whole point of life is not to achieve perfection on my own merits, but to do the best I can and then leave the rest to the Lord. No matter how much I try, I'll never be perfect on my own. I can stress and spend as much time as I want on my resume for this position I want so badly, but no amount of stress or time or revising is going to guarantee me the job. At some point I have to consciously let go of my desire for minute control over everything, turn it all over to the Lord, and trust that if I do my best and live righteously it will all work out in the end. Maybe that means I don't get this job. Maybe that means that I will. In the long run it probably doesn't matter if I do or not; of far greater importance is learning the lesson to let go, trust the Lord, and seek perfection through my Savior and not my own strength.
Wise words. I saw Hannah's mom today and she have me more wise words. I know you want a job where you can make a difference. She reminded me that you can make a difference anywhere you work, even if it is not a service oriented job. Your influence can be positive in any job! Who knows? Perhaps the Lord will put you in a job where your influence on one person makes the difference between succeeding in a certain venture our failing. I am not as eloquent as you but I hope you get the picture
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