*Alma 32:16
Today I had one of those "compelled to be humble" moments. It was painful. And rather uncomfortable, too. And I feel monumentally stupid.
The thing about "compelled to be humble" moments is that you are usually fully aware of what it is you need to be humble about -- you're just not being humble about it. Such it was with my moment today. There was nothing new about the smackdown I got, nothing in it I hadn't told myself over and over again...except this time someone else was saying it. It's funny how hearing it all coming out of someone else's mouth has a way of making it all just that much more painful. And embarrassing. ~sigh~
The other thing about being compelled to be humble, besides it being decidedly less comfortable than humbling yourself, is that it's much harder to ignore the magnitude of what you need to be humble about than if you just give yourself a little lecture and then fix it. It also has a way of ruthlessly illustrating just how stupid you've been and how inane your excuses sound when you say them out loud.
The upshot of my being compelled to be humble is this: I'm going to stop wallowing in self-pity (because as much as I try to deny it, that's what it is), stop expecting things to magically go the way I want them to, stop turning my nose up at jobs that aren't quite (or at all, ~sigh~) what I want, and give myself a schedule each day. I'm going to only set goals that require my agency to achieve them -- things like "I will submit 20 applications this week" instead of "I will have a full-time, benefitted position by the end of August". And I'm going to get off my bum and get active instead of moping around and eating a lot of ice cream and cookies.
Here's hoping. ~crosses fingers~
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