Journey to 13.1

Just about to start my first training run for the half.

A few weeks ago, after I turned in the final draft of my thesis to my advisor, my visiting teachers took me to dinner to celebrate. Sitting around eating burritos in Freebird in Sugarhouse, they asked what was next. I jokingly said I was thinking of running a 5k by my birthday. Both of them said no way - that's so much time, you can totally run a half-marathon!

Record scratch.

A HALF-MARATHON?!? 13.1 whole MILES?!

Well, long story short, I'm registered to run a half-marathon the day before my 29th birthday. Because I'm notoriously un-self-motivated (as the sixty pounds I've gained since my mission can arrest to), I roped my little sister into doing it with me. She had her second baby a few weeks ago and was just cleared to start exercising again, so I thought she would be a) up for it, and b) at about the same fitness level. (Except she's probably more fit than I am, ha.) She agreed, like a crazy person, so now we have 20 weeks to go from total dweebs to rockin' 13.1-milers.

I'm not going to lie. This is terrifying. I'm not a big believer in myself. I stay far away from hard things, and when I can't avoid them, I procrastinate and whine about them (see my Facebook page or my Instagram for proof of this re my thesis #annmarievsgradschool). But the other morning, I was lying in bed at my sister's house, with my baby niece snuggled in my arms, breathing slowly and totally adorably as she took a morning nap. I, having been awoken by her early-morning serenade and unwilling quite as yet to get up and greet the day, invited her to come lie in bed with me. As she slept and dreamed next to me, I lay thinking about this terrifying prospect of running a half-marathon. It was such a wonderful, precious moment - Baby J is so confident and full of life, so sure that she can do anything. I didn't want to spoil that memory by chickening out of something that would be hard but worthwhile. I didn't want to look back in ten years and admit to her that I didn't believe in myself but that of course she can do anything. I want her to think I'm the coolest, most amazing auntie on the planet, and part of that means I'm going to have to keep up with her - and since she's just like her momma, she's a 3-volt machine running on 90 volts.

So here's to doing hard things. And believing in yourself, even if only for the sake of others.

Here's me on W1D1 (stealing my roomie's mirror): 188.6 pounds, hips 43", waist 37", upper arm 14", thigh 27"

Happy New Year!

So...somehow, without quite meaning to, it's been several months since I've written an actual post for my blog. I could blame it on being in graduate school, but the truth is I was just lazy. That's true of a lot of things I don't get done, actually.

But here it is, a new year -- 2014! I'm pretty sure I'm still stuck somewhere about 2009, 'cause it blows my mind to think I'll be turning 28 (!!), I'll soon have a one-year-old niece (!!!), and my baby brother will join the ranks of the double-digit age club (!!!!) this year. Not to mention my parents are steadily working their way through their 50s. And who knows? Maybe I'll finally get a sister-in-law this year, too!

This is the traditional time for a few resolutions, made with passion and well-intentioned vows to change. I'm not such a huge fan of resolutions; I always end up loosing steam about two weeks into January, and then I just feel guilty. I'm not immune to the impulse, I'm just too cynical to make a (public) attempt. Instead, this year I made a list of twelve experiences -- one for each month of the year -- I want to have in 2014.

shoot a gun

go to the ballet

visit LA

go camping

attend the symphony

learn to cook some Korean food

organize a service activity

get a massage

rock climb

run a 5k

spend an afternoon at a museum / planetarium

hike to the top of a mountain

I must make sure to take copious pictures and blog about each of them. I also want to make sure to do each of these with someone, and not just do them for the sake of crossing them off my list. I want to do them to make memories and experience something new. Basically, I want to force myself to leave my house at least once a month so I have some semblance of a social life.

Healing Hurts

My name is AnnMarie, and I'm a TV addict.

This is probably not news to any of you reading this, assuming that the set of all those reading this is a subset of the set of people I know. If I don't know you and you're reading this (how did you get here?), you might actually not know this. But that's beside the point. The point is: I'm a TV addict. I watch way too much TV and it's bad for my physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual health.

Like most addicts, I've been in denial about this for quite some time, but something I read tonight hit me hard enough that I finally couldn't rationalize my way out of it. Or rather, I could have, but I was finally humble enough not to. I finally admitted to myself that TV-watching is not just a casual hobby, that it's not not having an effect on my life and well-being, that it's actually keeping me from things that I want in the long term.

It's ridiculous to say that watching violence and immorality or hearing vulgar language and jokes on television has no effect on you. If you saw those things in person they'd affect you; why not if you see them on television? After I watch something violent or vulgar I always feel dragged down. My mood becomes dark and brooding, and the effects can linger for hours or sometimes even days. I'm not sure what science would conclude, but for me that's pretty compelling evidence. I have enough problems with depression, anxiety, and self-loathing from my wacky hormones, I don't need anything exacerbating the problem.

To quote something from the article I read tonight: "When we are not doing what we know we ought to be doing, and when we are not living the way we know we ought to live, we have a tendency to be unhappy." Well, I'm unhappy, and it's because I'm not doing what I know I should be doing, and I'm not living the way I know I should be living. My time is spent on "that which is of no worth . . . [and on] that which cannot satisfy" in the eternal world (2 Nephi 9:51).

What am I going to do with my new-found hours and hours of unspent time? I'm going to do family history. I'm going to learn to cook healthier food and actually sit down at my table, hopefully with a friend or two, to eat it. I'm going to attend the temple more often. I'm going to pray more sincerely, read my scriptures more diligently, and ponder the words of living prophets and apostles more carefully. I'm going to be more active. I'm going to cultivate and strengthen relationships. I'm going to go to bed earlier. I'm going to serve others.

It's going to be really hard. I know, because I've tried it before. And it was hard. And I eventually (sooner rather than later) fell back into my TV-watching habits. I want this time to be different. I want to be healthier, physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually, and I can't do that without removing this negative influence in my life. Obsession and addiction, in whatever form they may come in our lives -- harmful substances, people, activities, seemingly-innocuous foods -- are not healthy. They become crutches that hold us back instead of helping us move forward; they prop us up in our brokenness instead of helping us to heal. Have you ever healed from something? Healing hurts, but it's the only way to be whole, and I want to be whole and not broken.

I would love your encouragement and support. I don't need a watchdog to tell me how disappointed in me they are when I slip up, but I could use a few cheerleaders. If you volunteer I could bring brownies. ^_~

T-47 Days

This is me almost six (!!) years ago in July 2007.

This is me a little more than six weeks ago in March 2013.

This is me today at approximately 5:25 pm, getting ready to go on the first run I've run deliberately...and felt motivated to run in a long, long time. 

This is me upon returning from the aforementioned run, approximately 5:53 pm.

And this is me, sharing how I feel after finally quitting making excuses (no running shorts that fit, my shoes are too old and worn out, I'm tired, I've had a hard day and I just want to sit in bed and eat ice cream while watching TV, etc, etc) and just doing it. 

I think Nike is on to something.

So what's the 47-day countdown to, you ask? 

This.

Go here for more details.

That's right, I've decided to stop making excuses, stop procrastinating, stop pretending I'm happy being a couch potato and run a 5K. Not a timed one (not yet), but a fun one. Hopefully that will keep me motivated and excited to run, because I've got less than two months to whip myself into shape (well, a shape that isn't squishy, anyway) for it. I'll be following the Couch-to-5K running plan, which has many enthusiastic adherents and seems to have worked for more hopeless cases than mine.

Grad School Is Happening

I've made some big changes in my living space and I just got back from an awesome vacation, but this is all I'll share for right now:

It's happening!

Goals, Not Resolutions

It might seem like these are late, but today is actually the Lunar New Year (새해 복 많이 받으세요, 여러분!). I've decided against resolutions because, really, who actually keeps them for a whole year? Instead I've made some goals, which I have lots of practice doing thanks to the mission. I've tried to make all of my goals fit together, so that by achieving the immediate goals, I'll be working towards my short-term goals, and that by working towards those, I'll be working towards my mid-term and long-term goals, as well.


Long-Term Goals: Lifetime

* Create and nurture an eternal family.
* Serve a mission (or two, or three) with my husband.
* Be worthy to attend the temple and always have a current temple recommend.
* Serve God in whatever capacity by serving His children.
* Become better each day and strive to apply the Atonement in my life; to be not only justified, but sanctified.


Mid-Term Goals: 5-10 Years

--> Attend the temple regularly and often.
--> Find an eternal companion and start an eternal family.
--> Complete a Master's degree and/or start a career.
--> Serve the people of Korea; foster understanding and spread the Gospel among the Korean people.
--> Complete a written family history of my great-grandparents, my grandparents, my parents, and my siblings and myself.


Short-Term Goals: In the next year, 2012

+ Graduate with honors from USU.
+ Attend the temple once a week, or as often as possible.
+ Build a healthy body, mind, and spirit.
+ Improve the talents I have, and discover new ones.
+ Nurture old relationships, and cultivate new ones.
+ Seek to know who I am and what the Lord would have me do.


Immediate Goals: Now - 4 months

> Schedule a regular time to attend the temple.
> Daily, scheduled scripture study, prayer, and exercise.
> Try one new recipe a week; learn to play one new hymn on the piano each month.
> 1/2 hour a day reading or writing in Korean.
> Call a different friend/family member every day.
> Talk to and engage in conversation with one new person/slight acquaintance every day.
> Pray daily for the guidance of the Spirit -- and then follow whatever promptings may come.









[Source]: Photo can be found here at the Penn Asian Review.

Summer Goals

My Goals for the Summer

make a baby quilt with my grandma

take up rock climbing

learn to longboard

pass the Korean language aptitude test

do a lot of family history

make new friends

 run a 5k

get lots and lots of sleep

Things I'd Like to Accomplish with My Life

I'd like to be the kind of mom that kids go to when they have problems, questions, or even just something on their mind. Ten years ago, I never would have guessed that my mom and I would be such good friends, but I'm happy to say that we are.


I don't know if I'll ever forget how it felt to be in a strange, foreign land with no real grasp of the language or culture of the place that's suddenly become your new home. I'd like to reach out to those people who have come to America because it represents opportunity and a place to fulfill their dreams. I'd like to help them learn both the language and the culture of their new home.


I'd like to be fit and active my whole life, going strong until the day I shuffle off this mortal coil. Which obviously means I should get started, since it's been years since I was in any kind of shape that wasn't squishy. 


I'd like to be the kind of person that is constantly improving their talents and finding new ones. Or at least trying new things.


There's so much of this world I haven't seen yet. I'd like to be the kind of person that is always exploring new places and new cultures, and broadening their perspective and understanding. 

I Love Lists

I have noticed this about myself. I think it is due to my Type A~ness, but I just can't resist making lists of things. In fact, I often spend more time making lists than actually doing the things on them...but anyway. Here's another one for you.

Stuff I'd Like to Do

write and record a hit song

run a marathon

actually learn how to apply make-up and do hair well

be the model for a photoshoot 

form a rock band called Palestrina and release our first album under the title Cacophony 

climb a mountain (a big one)

direct a movie

design and create a really classy outfit

write a best-selling novel 

(but not like Twilight best-selling - more like a combination of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings)

make a complete stoneware dinner set myself

also, a complete tea set

learn to dance ballroom really well

decorate my home tastefully

write the screenplay for a Korean drama

(a successful, critically acclaimed one, of course)

There are more, of course. There always are when you're a perfectionist, but this is what's on the top of my head right now. What some things you'd like to do?

Some Life Goals

1. Live in such a way that I can be with my family eternally

2. Run at least one marathon

3. Speak Korean fluently

4. Be a good wife to my husband and mother to my children

5. Do something big - not sure what yet, but something big

6. Climb a mountain

7. Travel to every country in the world

8. Live abroad with my family

9. Make the world a better place for families

10. Develop some artistic talents - photography or pottery, preferably

11. Fall madly, passionately in love and stay that way

12. Be a genuinely good person

13. BE HAPPY! :)