I was trying to be good today. I made a special effort to be in bed before midnight. I even limited myself to one drama episode! I set my iPod on a timer (love my new toy ^_^) and snuggled down into my new sheets on my comfortable queen-sized bed (which I am very excited about) and waited to fall asleep. That was an hour ago. *sigh* One am is a good time to think, because there aren't too many things to distract you. Unfortunately, if you're thinking, you're not sleeping.
Today I've been reflecting on myself a little bit, and it has occurred to me anew that I am an avoider. Avoidance is my method of coping. If I don't like something, or it's too hard or too difficult, or I just don't want to do it, I just ignore it or put it off until "later"...but when "later" rolls around, it's that much more stressful and unpleasant for being put off. I wonder how long I've been this way? I don't remember how I was when I was little, but I've definitely been doing it since high school. It's not a healthy coping method.
The thing about me is, I really dislike asking for help. Unless it's about stuff I don't care about particularly, like anything to do with money or the government. But all the important stuff, the stuff that can really mess you up if you're not careful, if it's too big for me to deal with myself, or if I just don't like it, I shove it into a little corner of my brain and go humming off to read a book or watch a drama.
I've always liked to think that I was a brave person, but I think I'm not. There are a lot of things I'm afraid of, and I'm not good at facing those things in spite of my fear.
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