Sophomore Essay Statistics

Begun: 

24 March 2010

Completed: 

29 March 2010

Topic: 

A comparison of fear and love, specifically as they apply to the relationship between a ruler and his subjects

Title: 

“WHETHER IT IS BETTER TO BE LOVED OR FEARED”: 

An Investigation of the Relationship Between a Prince and His People

16 pages

12.5 font

3,872 words

Number of nights up past 3 am:

All of them (four total)

Number of meals skipped:

five

Latest bedtime:

9:36 am, on 29 March

Total hours of sleep since 24 March:

20

Sense of relief after finally printing it out:

PRICELESS

Peace of Mind

Now that I've made a decision about what I'm going to do this summer, I feel much better. I'm going home right after the end of the semester, until I leave for Korea in the middle of June. I'll be there for two months, and then I'm coming back to SJC. Barring any unforeseen circumstances (like an asteroid hitting Annapolis), I'll be finishing my degree here. After that -- who knows? Maybe off to Korea to get a Master's degree, maybe I'll teach there for a year before coming back...maybe I'll be married. Maybe all of those things! (I'd like that best.)

? ? ? ? ? ? ?

I've been on Spring Break for the last two weeks. It's been nice. I've really enjoyed doing nothing, and that's what I've been doing, despite the fact that I have a 15-20 page paper due in a week and a half. *sigh*

You know what I don't like? I don't like not knowing what's going to happen in my life. I usually have a plan. I have an idea. I know what I want. But ever since I got home from Korea, all my plans have fallen apart. Everytime I make plans -- and not just plans, but back-up plans, and back-up back-up plans -- they fall apart and I'm left with a feeling of "what the heck just happened...?" as I stare blankly at the retreating figure of whatever it is that's messing around with my life. In the last two weeks, I got accepted to the Critical Language scholarship, lost my job, and got rejected from BYU. All I can think is, Thank goodness I filled out all my financial aid information for SJC.

Loneliness is a solitary coffee cup on a bare counter

Image can be found here

As I was searching for an image to go with my post, this one stood out among all the other angsty offerings Bing drug up for me. It struck me much more than the moody black-and-white shots of people curled up in corners. This image paints a much better picture of what loneliness is, at least for me. I'm not unhappy, I don't (usually) feel sorry for myself, I don't spend my time huddled in corners cut off from the rest of humanity -- it's just that, eventually, my life comes back to the solitary coffee cup on a bare counter.

My loneliness is not a loneliness of the kind that is characterized by a lack of social connections, or by a dearth of people who love and care for me. No, I have friends and acquaintances, and above all I have a family that I know loves me deeply. So what is it, then?